::"goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend"::

here's a story i wrote just recently. enjoy. its called "goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend".

andrea met chris 2 weeks ago at a mutual friends bdae party. majorly intoxicated with alcohol, andrea perceived everything positive about chris. for a first impression, he was perfect. after the party, they both hanged out at the beach n it was a magical moment for andrea. they talked, laughed n seemed as one, according to andrea. andrea was a lil skeptical though, could this guy really be so perfect? she had been thro several heartaches previously including a sexual assault n she wasnt sure if she was ready to love again. but chris seemed perfect, something so sweet tt would never ever be able to hurt an ant, let alone her. little did she know, that her perception was gonna change her life.

chris had a sort of charisma about him n andrea fell hopelessly in love with him even tho she did not show this directly. chris was attracted to her n initiated a few kisses while andrea looked in his eyes for love and sincerity. she saw it n relented. however, the joy was short-lived. he soon tells her tt being with him would hurt her n she laughed thinking tt how could this seemingly perfect guy ever hurt me. n then he said it. he was married. andrea was stunned. she had enough of r/s with married guys. it all had one outcome only. once, this married guy slapped his wife in front of andrea to prove his sincerity to her but andrea was more disgusted then comforted. another ended off when andrea saw photos of the man's son, it hurt her to much to break the child's heart. so faced with the news of chris being an unattainable man, andrea was taken aback. all her perceptions crashed on the floor between them n her eyes showed sadness for having just lost a perfect man.

as much as she was attracted to chris, she knew to carry on was morally wrong n she didnt attempt to make the first move. he on the other hand kept calling n contacting her, sayin tt his r/s with his wife is nothing of value n he is only with her cos of the kids. andrea pitied him n thought tt life for him was difficult n problematic. he was always saying tt his life was complicated n bad things always happened to him. even tho he always had a smile on his face n rarely would be seen angry, he had a kind of sadness in his eyes. andrea saw tt n her heart broke for him. she didnt want such a perfect man to be broken n sad n she tried in every way to make him happy. even tho she liked him deeply, she made no attempt to pursue the r/s cos she knows it would only hurt the kids n they need their dad. andrea understood tt, she had lost her father thro death at a young age n coping with it was enough to break her very self. a few days after, chris initiated to meet at a frens place, mike. mike is a really intelligent chap who should really believe more in himself to succeed. andrea believed in him rightaway, he had so much passion excuding from him, but he hardly took notice of it. he thought of himself as a failure n lacked motivation. andrea wanted to give him tt, it was the least she could do for another human being trying to survive in this harsh world. so the whole night, chris, mike and andrea chatted about life n things tt matter n for andrea, it was one of those conversations tt she would remember for the rest of her life. it was in a totally different realm, something even she never knew existed n immediately she concluded tt chris n mike were two special pple she would always wanna keep as frens.

the best part about chris is that unlike other guys who immediately try to take advantage of andrea sexually, chris was totally opposite. he made her feel good on an emotional n mental level which was even more worthy than physical pleasure. andrea didnt wan physical pleasure from him, she was more than happy to be at peace with herself by just hearing him speck so intellectually. that was more important to her. andrea always wanted a man who can challenge her thoughts and increase her knowledge. she wanted a r/s such tt both would grow spiritually and mentally together. having chris by her side was just too good to be true n she was even filled with envy for the wife, for a moment which she guiltily suppressed immediately. up till tt time, andrea never once initiated tt chris divorce his wife, start a r/s with her, ask him what their status is n any questions related to where she n chris was leading to. she merely wanted to enjoy every single moment with him cos she knows tt its shortlived. it was like carpe diem n she wanted to live for the moment, life was too short for anything else. whenever they met, chris would try to kiss, hug or hold andrea's hand but andrea would move slightly away. den she would return back to him to carry on what he started. it was an approach avoidance conflict tt she had, as much as she wanted to pursue it, she knew it was wrong but not reciprocating would be against her true emotions and would also leave him hurt. she didnt mean any harm, it was all very fast n he was all she thought about in her waking hours.

then, passion got the better of her n after a nite too many drinks, she went to his workplace n acted intimately with him in front of his collegues. this got him in the trouble n he was fired immediately for irresponsibility and other reasons. andrea didnt know this n was wondering y chris was ignoring her. it was so unusual for a day to pass without his msgs or calls. she felt empty n void, no life was in her face. she wondered n could only vaguely remember making a scene at his workplace. andrea knew tt being intoxicated was not an excuse but she couldnt even remember what she did. she just followed her heart, which in this context, was wrong. shortly after, the wife becomes suspicious n msgs andrea in a threatening-like manner. andrea took it upon herself, after all, it was her fault n the wife had every right to be angry. andrea assured her tt nothing was going on n swore to herself to keep it tt way. she was gonna stop liking chris at tt very minute. jane, andrea's sister saw immediately a face of extreme sadness in her sister's face n grabbed the phone to find out more. she read the msgs n was pissed n immediately called chris n fucked him up n asked him not to contact andrea anymore. andrea was helpless, she tried reaching for the phone n even calling chris after tt but jane warned her against it. jane then talked to the wife about it, saying tt her husband is the one she should deal with n not andrea etc etc. jane told the wife tt chris had said tt the wife was a tyrant who controlled him too much n many other hurtful things that even andrea was surprised to even see coming out. the wife then suggested to meet up to clear things up once n for all so she could decide whether to leave her husband.

jane persuaded andrea to meet up with the wife but andrea was against it. if she met up with him, she would have to be honest n even tho chris n she wasnt having a r/s, they still shared intimate moments together. andrea felt tt the least respect she should give chris was to shut up about it. otherwise, it would make him lose 4 very special pple in his life, his family. andrea believed tt one person's hurt was nothing compared to 5 people's anguish, hurt, disappointment n suffering. she didnt want to do tt. andrea would never wan to consciously hurt chris in any way possible. he was too special to her. jane thought otherwise n was even told by the wife tt chris said andrea was a "psych bitch who wants to get fresh with me". when andrea heard tt, she couldnt control her tears, she didnt believe chris would ever say anything like tt. she never ever for one second believed it, but the wife confirmed it. andrea did not feel angry or any hatred for chris even after this info. she still thought of him as perfect n wanted to help calm his r/s with his wife.

andrea talked to mike later on only to find tt according to him, chris had no attraction whatsoever to andrea. that blew her off right away but maybe it was for the better. but wait, if there was no attraction what was the past 2 weeks? a total lie? what were the msgs, kisses n hugs about? the serious face tt was filled with sincerity? was tt a lie too? mike later then said tt "3 of us have the tendency to be manipulative cos of our psychology background" n andrea was so hurt by tt. what was he saying? tt she wanted all this to happen? tt she systematically planned everything out so tt the wife would find out about them? tt she consciously would hurt chris in any way? tt was it, if only mike knew how broken she was now tt chris was broken. if only he knew tt she would give anything to make him whole again. but sometimes u just have no control over perceptions. of cos andrea was viewed as the bitch, the home-wrecker n tho mike was objective in his views, he still supported his best fren n wife. andrea doesnt blame him, he was a good fren, she knew from before.

andrea cries for the loss of chris, knowing tt too much had happened for them to even have a friendship. it was too late, it was over. she listens to stacie oricco's "i'm not missing u" over n over to convince herself tt she doesnt miss him but her heart outdo her mind. tts the thing bout her. she should never allow love/lust/infatuation/arousal/passion to have an effect on her. her grades have been falling, she absents herself from work n acts irresponsibly, something never in andrea's personality. maybe she should remove the hormones responsible for arousal, only then success for her would be certain. she must stop herself from loving again. she doesnt want love with another man, the only love she is content with is family love. it was all she needed to live. she lost part of herself after losing chris but she wishes him the best of luck with his family n life. she remembered tt if u love someone, u have to let them go. n maybe, just maybe for a moment, she believed she did love him.

updates!

it's been a long long time since i updated. so many things happened!!! kk, if i were to talk bout what happened since last week, it would take too much space n way too much time. so back to todae den.

todae before work, wen to post in my cheque n collect counselling bk from sharin. thanks gal. den wen to photocopy 3 copies of emi tb. den wen to work n stuck outside again. im so sick of tt. farq i need the key mann. after work met brian for dinner. wen to east coast to have our favourite ikan bakar. i never get sick of it. had ikan bakar, satay (i luv babat), chicken wings n kangkong. den there was this malay gal with her guy. she kept staring at me like prob thinking i am malay n y i was happily eating while they were waiting to break fast. farq man, she got me so pissed tt i really wanted to go to her n show her my ic. it states eurasian u bitch, definitely not malay. den i thot hmm ok lets wait for a dog to come close to me den i can majorly kiss its nose, which would den prove alot. so sick, she stared so obviously. farq la, "didnt u notice my eurasian features, u farqing bitch!!!" i so dont have eyes n a face like yrs.

so newae, tmrw is fridae n so many pple are leaving. firstly, my mum is going to thailand for a company trip, gonna miss my mama. boohoo. n brian has to take his BMT for two mths. he's gonna miss my birthday n birthdae party, how sad is tt. but of cos army comes first n i dont blame him. we can always celebrate my belated bdae wen he comes back. sigh. gonna miss u darls. n of cos my bestie/bro who will be going to india for "3 mths", missing my bdae n leaving me all alone to handle my party. so sad. u better check for return air flights the moment u reach there. n my aunt n uncle r going thailand as well. everyone's leaving, me gonna be all alone. *sad*

well, prob this is the time i can catch up on my essay n finish it asap den concentrate on making more bdae preparations. thanks guys for rsvp-ing so early. really appreciate yr enthusiasm in celebrating my bdae with me. wee!

kk, me gonna do a lil housework n gonna watch prison break. hope to update real soon.