Story of my life
Searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul
Cause it seems that wrong
Really loves my company
He's more than a man
And this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
But clouds are rolling in
Because I'm gone again
And to him I just can't be true
And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer
I feel it in the air
As I'm doing my hair
Preparing for another date
A kiss upon my cheek
As he reluctantly
Asks if I'm gonna be out late
I say I won't be long
Just hanging with the girls
A lie I didn't have to tell
Because we both know
Where I'm about to go
And we know it very well
Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer
Our love, his trust
I might as well take a gun and put it to his head
Get it over with
I don't wanna do this Anymore
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
And everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
And I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer.
enough said, all that i am, a murderer.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
phenomenal life
today, i held a heaven sent gift. she was the most beautiful baby in her mother's eyes and a bundle of joy she was. it was so phenomenal carrying a life form in my arms as she becomes aware of her surroundings. such innocence in such a sinful world, how ironic. but till then, i hope she is kept safe & with none of life's burdens.
on another note, is the concept of original sin that we all carry from the time we are released from the placenta or was it when conception occured? this original sin marks a distinction between humanity and divinity and is where sin first evolves. its sad but true and inevitable that a baby with no fault already carries the original sin but i guess that's how the world works. the original sin theory evolved from the moment adam and eve satisfied their curiousity and crossed the boundaries and thus woman has to carry the pains of child birth while man has to labour to survive.
another ironic thing is that from the moment birth occurs, death is also celebrated. our birth initiates the journey towards death which is really contradictory. its as if we are born to die, a vicious cycle that is cruel yet a must in life. what's life purpose? there are several perceptions of it. some believe that ultimate satisfaction in terms of material well-being is the basis of life. while others believe as long as they are happy and in good health, they are satisfied. n others believe that life is a test from god of how worthy u are to enjoy heavenly rewards in our afterlife. whatever, it is that u believe, live life to the fullest. live as if every day was your last. we take it for granted that we have another chance to say things to pple we love and do the things we love to do. what we don't realise and comprehend is that life can just end with a snap of the fingers. then it will be too late. how do u want to be remembered? will your memory be carved in people's hearts till the end? i hope u make an impression. that's why, every morning when i wake, i thank god for giving me life and i never fail to say "i love you" to the people i love cos i'll never know when it would be the last.
on another note, is the concept of original sin that we all carry from the time we are released from the placenta or was it when conception occured? this original sin marks a distinction between humanity and divinity and is where sin first evolves. its sad but true and inevitable that a baby with no fault already carries the original sin but i guess that's how the world works. the original sin theory evolved from the moment adam and eve satisfied their curiousity and crossed the boundaries and thus woman has to carry the pains of child birth while man has to labour to survive.
another ironic thing is that from the moment birth occurs, death is also celebrated. our birth initiates the journey towards death which is really contradictory. its as if we are born to die, a vicious cycle that is cruel yet a must in life. what's life purpose? there are several perceptions of it. some believe that ultimate satisfaction in terms of material well-being is the basis of life. while others believe as long as they are happy and in good health, they are satisfied. n others believe that life is a test from god of how worthy u are to enjoy heavenly rewards in our afterlife. whatever, it is that u believe, live life to the fullest. live as if every day was your last. we take it for granted that we have another chance to say things to pple we love and do the things we love to do. what we don't realise and comprehend is that life can just end with a snap of the fingers. then it will be too late. how do u want to be remembered? will your memory be carved in people's hearts till the end? i hope u make an impression. that's why, every morning when i wake, i thank god for giving me life and i never fail to say "i love you" to the people i love cos i'll never know when it would be the last.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Friday, July 14, 2006
me, myself and i
alcohol & fags, the vices of life.
how nice, they turn me on.
getting intoxicated brings the life out of me.
otherwise i'm just plain jane.
or am i?
people say i'm wild, am i?
or do i just take a different persona when i'm high.
split-personality some say.
or am i still in search of an identity?
two extremes of characters i am.
a decent, nerdy, motivated geek
and on the other hand, a wild chick.
who am i? is my reality when i'm sober or when i'm high?
in search for myself, trying so hard to define.
i guess i'm both at different realms of time.
i guess i'm versatile, a chameleon in some form,
adjusting to my surroundings just to belong.
who am i? i guess i'll never know.
or maybe i do know and this is what i am.
two extremes, two of me combined in one.
2 souls trapped in a single moment in time?
maybe, maybe not. i just don't know.
maybe nobody can ever be defined?
this is who i am, i respect it and i embrace it.
i have moulded into me.
~i love me, haha. narcissistic self. woo hoo!
how nice, they turn me on.
getting intoxicated brings the life out of me.
otherwise i'm just plain jane.
or am i?
people say i'm wild, am i?
or do i just take a different persona when i'm high.
split-personality some say.
or am i still in search of an identity?
two extremes of characters i am.
a decent, nerdy, motivated geek
and on the other hand, a wild chick.
who am i? is my reality when i'm sober or when i'm high?
in search for myself, trying so hard to define.
i guess i'm both at different realms of time.
i guess i'm versatile, a chameleon in some form,
adjusting to my surroundings just to belong.
who am i? i guess i'll never know.
or maybe i do know and this is what i am.
two extremes, two of me combined in one.
2 souls trapped in a single moment in time?
maybe, maybe not. i just don't know.
maybe nobody can ever be defined?
this is who i am, i respect it and i embrace it.
i have moulded into me.
~i love me, haha. narcissistic self. woo hoo!
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
move bitch, get out my way, get out my way bitch, get out my way
i've always suppressed my opinions of you but i'm gonna spill it out right here, right now. you've fucking lost my respect or two fucks i gave to you. so here goes. seriously, i can't stand you. there's so many incidents that happened and i tried to push it away, giving u excuses. but u know what, u don't deserve my sympathy. i'm wasting space writing bout u not becos i give a shit which u might think, but rather to state it once n for all. well, today was the fucking breaking point. i mean come on' ur a fucking student for god's sake, what's up with the confrontation to the lecturer whose prob got a masters degree, tt ur so hard trying to get. i mean, seriously get real. i told u, u have to adapt and try to connect to certain pple (esp if they are ur lecturers), otherwise how can u live in the world with all kinds n sorts of pple? n ur reply? hah, i almost slapped u, like really. wat, u saying u will adapt to who u wan, i think thats bull. ur sayin tt u fit into the social work of society n u have what it takes to help, but come on firstly, ur not in the realm of even helping n also, how can u help when u "choose to adapt" to who u wan to. u put someone down today n in my opinion, tt sucks. just cos u had a bad day? fuck u. what did u gain today? self-respect? more like fucked up perceptions of u from ur frens. i never wanted to say all this gal, u evoked my emotions too much that it's laid down to ur face and u know what, deal with it. wat fucking self conflict u have? n saying u've so matured n going thro things tt noone has faced with. come on bitch, do u think ur the only one carrying the burden of life? balls to u. the rest of us just have better self-worth n views to face our probs. don't ask me why i take psychology. u just think "my answer don't fit". well, i guess i proved my point when the lecturer said that literature and psychology goes hand in hand in becoming a good psychologist. get the picture gal? jess always tells me ur jealous of me? r u really? y? cos i have everything u don't? i earned my life and the things i enjoy so don't blame me for having a decent life. n what's this ur saying tt i forced it on him? i cant force anyone to do what he did, u know tt bitch. u like him so much n u cant take it tt he's not reciprocating n u take it out on me? fuck u, blame it on yr weirdness n ur "oh-i'm-so-complicated-n-noone-understands-me" perception. oh n bout the spirits thing, i so believed u thinking tt noone would lie bout something like this(cos i dont see the need to) but frens have confirmed tt its ur way of getting attention. gal, i think tts lame n damn dumb, r u really tt loser? hah, i feel so at ease stating all this point blank. well, i guess tts all i need to express, hope u like my literary skills tt u think nothing of. oh which reminds me, since u're so experienced in social psyche (n it bores u cos ur mind works scientifically) etc, y isnt any of this reflected in yr essays n tests? dont just say la, prove it. ur making urself into nothingness which is prob wat u are anyway. i've lost a fucked up piece of shit which dont even matter in the first place but i've gained my self worth, at the very least.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
extinct judgement
FOUR FRIENDS AT A PARTY
Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.
The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his bestfriend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday"
The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, and then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."
The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday:A 30,000 square foot mansion."
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?"One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?"The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub." The three friends said: "What a shame.. what a disappointment."
The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.
~haha. never judge i say. cos u tend to forget ur own faults staring at ur face. there's only gonna be one judge ever, god, on judgement day.
Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.
The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his bestfriend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday"
The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, and then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."
The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday:A 30,000 square foot mansion."
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?"One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?"The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub." The three friends said: "What a shame.. what a disappointment."
The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.
~haha. never judge i say. cos u tend to forget ur own faults staring at ur face. there's only gonna be one judge ever, god, on judgement day.
Monday, July 10, 2006
no price to life
~this is really inspiring
As I was walking down life's highway many years ago,
I came upon a sign that read Heavens Grocery Store.
When I got a little closer the doors swung open wide
And when I came to myself, I was standing inside.
I saw a host of angels. They were standing everywhere.
One handed me a basket and said "My child, shop with care."
Everything a human needed was in that grocery store
And what you could not carry you could come back for more
First I got some Patience. Love was in that same row.
Further down was Understanding, You need that everywhere you go.
I got a box or two of Wisdom and Faith a bag or two.
And Charity of course I would need some of that too.
I couldn't miss the Holy Ghost It was all over the place.
And then some Strength and Courage to help me run this race.
My basket was getting full but I remembered I needed Grace,
And then I chose Salvation for Salvation was for free
I tried to get enough of that to do for you and me.
Then I started to the counter to pay my grocery bill,
For I thought I had everything to do the Masters will.
As I went up the aisle I saw Prayer and put that in,
For I knew when I stepped outside I would run into sin.
Peace and Joy were plentiful, the last things on the shelf.
Song and Praise were hanging near so I just helped myself.
Then I said to the angel "Now how much do I owe?"
He smiled and said "Just take them everywhere you go."
Again I asked "Really now, How much do I owe?"
"My child" he said, "God paid your bill a long long time ago."
As I was walking down life's highway many years ago,
I came upon a sign that read Heavens Grocery Store.
When I got a little closer the doors swung open wide
And when I came to myself, I was standing inside.
I saw a host of angels. They were standing everywhere.
One handed me a basket and said "My child, shop with care."
Everything a human needed was in that grocery store
And what you could not carry you could come back for more
First I got some Patience. Love was in that same row.
Further down was Understanding, You need that everywhere you go.
I got a box or two of Wisdom and Faith a bag or two.
And Charity of course I would need some of that too.
I couldn't miss the Holy Ghost It was all over the place.
And then some Strength and Courage to help me run this race.
My basket was getting full but I remembered I needed Grace,
And then I chose Salvation for Salvation was for free
I tried to get enough of that to do for you and me.
Then I started to the counter to pay my grocery bill,
For I thought I had everything to do the Masters will.
As I went up the aisle I saw Prayer and put that in,
For I knew when I stepped outside I would run into sin.
Peace and Joy were plentiful, the last things on the shelf.
Song and Praise were hanging near so I just helped myself.
Then I said to the angel "Now how much do I owe?"
He smiled and said "Just take them everywhere you go."
Again I asked "Really now, How much do I owe?"
"My child" he said, "God paid your bill a long long time ago."
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